The Colorado Food Poisoning Fiasco: The Case of the Two Star Players and the Sinister Soup
It was a sunny Tuesday afternoon in Colorado when two star players from the Colorado Craggers—defending champions of the national basketball league—were rushed to the ICU. The cause? A monstrous plate of nachos from a local taco joint, “El Diablo’s Delight.” The two players, Rick “The Rocket” Harris and Steve “Slammer” Johnson, were not just any athletes; they were the kind of men who could dunk from the half-court line and bench press a minivan, but when faced with a plate of poorly seasoned nachos and a side of dubious salsa, they were brought to their knees. Literally.
It all began when the pair decided to indulge in the local cuisine, hoping to fuel up before their big game. The restaurant was a Colorado staple known for its “death by chili” and “tacos that can melt steel.” A true haven for anyone brave enough to test their gastrointestinal limits. What the two unsuspecting athletes didn’t realize was that this wasn’t your average taco place. Oh no, this place was run by Paco “The Plumber” Hernandez, a man whose idea of food hygiene was washing his hands sometimes.
The nachos arrived, piled high with cheese, jalapeños, and what could only be described as “mystery meat.” Rick, ever the adventurous eater, dove in first, declaring, “This looks like the fuel of champions.” Steve, not one to back down from a challenge, followed suit. Five minutes in, the duo was basking in their victory, laughing at how “mild” the salsa was.
But then came the change. A strange silence enveloped the table. Rick’s face went pale, and Steve’s eyes widened like saucers. A sudden, ominous rumble echoed from Rick’s stomach. Then Steve clutched his side. “This… this isn’t good,” he muttered, his voice trembling.
The rest of the meal was a blur of regret. The two athletes, once champions of speed and strength, were now on a mission to find a bathroom. As they staggered out of the restaurant, they were barely able to stand. The irony of it all was not lost on the fans who saw them leave in a heap. The headlines the next morning wrote themselves: Craggers Slammed by Food Poisoning: Two Star Players Down for the Count.
An emergency response team was dispatched, and both players were rushed to the ICU, where the doctors could only shake their heads in disbelief. “Never seen anything like it,” Dr. Linda, the attending physician, remarked. “These guys were literally built like tanks. I’ve seen men eat entire pigs and walk away unfazed, but this… this is the work of something sinister.”
As for Paco “The Plumber” Hernandez, he was under investigation. Rumors began circulating that the “mystery meat” was less a culinary delight and more a result of some very questionable decisions. Was it expired? Was it the product of some late-night stockpile? Paco refused to comment, but his restaurant’s Yelp page had exploded with reviews like: “I’m not saying it was the worst thing I’ve ever eaten, but I might be hallucinating right now”, and “I tried the tacos… and now I’m in the ER. 10/10 would recommend.”
In the end, it was revealed that a batch of bad chicken had caused the poisoning, and the players slowly recovered. They made a full return to the court a month later, albeit with a new sponsor: Imodium, for when victory comes with a side of stomach cramps.
As for the restaurant? Well, “El Diablo’s Delight” closed down shortly after, but not before its slogan—“Eat it if you dare!”—was immortalized in the annals of local culinary history. And, of course, on a commemorative plaque at the hospital, where Rick and Steve’s faces could still be seen on the wall, a reminder that even the strongest athletes can be defeated by… a bad taco.